I haven't been here in a while. I mean, yes, I have been to this specific location quite regularly for a long time. I've sat in my black and white bean-bag chair, decorated with hundreds of circles, making me feel as though I'm sitting on eyeballs. I've stared at this blank page for hours, and I've tried composing something mildly interesting probably a dozen times this week alone. But I haven’t been here. My heart hasn’t been present in my mundane writings. I’ve been perusing it out of habit; writing out of haste. I’ve been acting the way a writer should not.
But then perhaps, I have an incorrect notion of how a writer should act. Am I lesser of a writer because I feel everything different? Am I wrong for feeling numb or simply angry? Everything feels jumbled up in my head, and the words refuse to arrange themselves properly on paper. The way it should be is a perfect picture in my heart and mind. But the correlation between my invention and the world’s truth is somehow lost in translation.
There are not enough words in the extensive english language for me to describe the vast amount of things that have occurred in the past few months. There's been death, injury, sickness, and hardship. But there's also been life, growth, revelation and a different kind of wealth.
I work with three little miracles three times a week. I have the honor and privilege to watch these children grow into their own people. I received bad news yesterday while I was working. Once I got off the phone with my mother, cousin, and boss, I took in a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the lives that just began seventeen months ago. After a whine and a giggle or two, I picked up Katie and she blew me a kiss. I thought to myself, "Out of all the places I could be, I'm so glad I got the news while I was here." I kissed Katie's forehead and took her into the kitchen and moved on with my day.
There have been certain things I've learned to handle with grace. That being one of them. That's something worth writing about.
I work with three little miracles three times a week. I have the honor and privilege to watch these children grow into their own people. I received bad news yesterday while I was working. Once I got off the phone with my mother, cousin, and boss, I took in a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the lives that just began seventeen months ago. After a whine and a giggle or two, I picked up Katie and she blew me a kiss. I thought to myself, "Out of all the places I could be, I'm so glad I got the news while I was here." I kissed Katie's forehead and took her into the kitchen and moved on with my day.
There have been certain things I've learned to handle with grace. That being one of them. That's something worth writing about.
Yours until the pigs fly,
Alessondra Marie
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