1 John 4:8

When I turn 18 I'm getting a tattoo. Not because I'll be an adult making a decision without parental consent for the first time in my existence, but because my 18th birthday is on a Monday and nothing good happens on Monday's. Especially not on that Monday. It'll be the Monday after Easter Sunday. At least it will be for all you white folk. Greek Easter is nearly a month later. But hardly anyone celebrates Greek Easter unless they're Greek or are very close with someone that's Greek. Which is unfortunate for me since I don't know too many Greeks. Since nearly everyone in my life is white, and not Greek, my birthday will be masked by the death of Jesus. So I'm getting a tattoo. 

It sounds blasphemous when I put it that way. The truth is that I've wanted this tattoo since I was 14. And like most things in my life it doesn't appear to resemble much of anything scripturally. But if you ask me about it I'll have something to say. 

It bothers me when things are redundant. Like "hahah lol" or using two of the same words in one sentence. Sometimes it annoys me when people use two of the same words in the same paragraph. Unless they're anything like me and or the Old Testament of the Bible and use the same word over and over and over to make a statement. I'm hypocritical and I'm okay with that. There's a time for all things. There's a time to be simple and there's a time to be verbose. 

Knowledge is to know a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is to know not to put a tomato in a fruit salad. 

I want to love hard and get married and have a house with a pond and have babies and raise little people into big people. I want to show someone that I know how to give my heart away. I want someone willing to receive it. I want someone to encourage me spiritually, be there for me emotionally and give me a good foot massage every now and again. I want to live in Montana or North Carolina or somewhere with a lot of open space and no one to be in my business. I want a house painted blue with white shutters and a deck that goes all the way around it. I want to be able to swim in my pond in the summer and ice skate in the winter. I want to have something be mine. 

I'm afraid of things changing. I'm afraid of things changing between Him and I, between him and I. I feel stuck and crazy like there's no where to go but down from here. I want Him, and I want him. I know He wants me, but I just want him to want me. 

It's time to take in that long overdue breath. Just breathe in and out. There's nothing to prove and no one to prove anything to. 

Yours until the pigs fly,
Alessondra Marie