I opened my white-wicker toy box. The hinges creaked from neglect. I pulled out the decorative pillows to reveal my oldest friends. Memories of rabbits and pigs and monkeys and dolls flodded my mind. I pushed them all away in a search for the one I needed. Once I saw her, I wrapped my fingers around her arm and pulled her out of the box. It had been a long time since I last needed her.
I sat on the floor with my knees facing up, holding on to my childhood bear. I heard footsteps on the other side of my shut door.
"Ali are you okay?"
I'm never okay.
"Yes mom, I'm fine."
I shut my eyes and despised the need that was inside my chest. I could just imagine what I looked like. My eyelashes clumped together because of the wet mascara. My short sausage legs appearing larger than normal because of the pastel rose printed pants I was wearing. A young adult clinging to a childhood notion of companionship.
I shook my head as I reopened my eyes. I reached for the pillows I tore out of place and returned them to their home.
I crawled onto my bed still holding onto my bear. All I wanted was your tender and strong hand to stroke my back and ask what I was thinking of. I wanted you to brush my hair away from my face. I wanted you to kiss my head and tell me I'd be okay. I wanted your hands to be on me, comforting me, instead of mine trying to comfort a lifeless teddy bear.
Yours until the pigs fly,
Alessondra Marie
I sat on the floor with my knees facing up, holding on to my childhood bear. I heard footsteps on the other side of my shut door.
"Ali are you okay?"
I'm never okay.
"Yes mom, I'm fine."
I shut my eyes and despised the need that was inside my chest. I could just imagine what I looked like. My eyelashes clumped together because of the wet mascara. My short sausage legs appearing larger than normal because of the pastel rose printed pants I was wearing. A young adult clinging to a childhood notion of companionship.
I shook my head as I reopened my eyes. I reached for the pillows I tore out of place and returned them to their home.
I crawled onto my bed still holding onto my bear. All I wanted was your tender and strong hand to stroke my back and ask what I was thinking of. I wanted you to brush my hair away from my face. I wanted you to kiss my head and tell me I'd be okay. I wanted your hands to be on me, comforting me, instead of mine trying to comfort a lifeless teddy bear.
Yours until the pigs fly,
Alessondra Marie
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