Window's Breaking

listening to the sounds of my body soothes me. 
the constant breathing, the shutter sound of blinking, my fingers tapping on the keyboard,
trying to figure out what to say. 
steadfast. 


i started to diet.
the amount of creamer i put in my coffee is counterproductive. 
it's impossible to get everything you want. 


there's so many different things to say. 
some of the things might offend you. 
but i'm not supposed to censor my blog.
it's mine. it's my feelings.
it's my diary. 


i feel like a puzzle. 
with only one piece missing to make me whole.
but that one piece is lost. 
gone. 
no where to be found. 


i have everything figured out accept for the one thing.


the problem is, i don't even know what that one thing is. 


so i apologize for being vague.
and for some of you, i apologize for being too frank.


but i don't know what the hell is missing.
maybe i need your validation and approval. 
maybe i'll find peace in vanity.
and maybe, 
just maybe, 
my solitude can be found somewhere within the gnawing sounds of my fingertips spewing out something even more selfish than the last thing they said. 


yours until the pigs fly,
alessondra marie