Your Strengths Are My Weaknesses.

I miss you, you know. Your laugh, your smile. The way that you're always falling apart. but yet you're always keeping it together. 


I often remember that dark rainy night we spent in your abandoned house. 
The way I knew that no matter what happened to you and him, you'd always be my sister. 
I associate you with Baja Fresh. Their salsa reminds me of you.


I am constantly, but silently, wishing that you were here to help me now. 


I knew I missed you. But i didn't realize just how much until I started writing. 


Things have been falling apart. My stability has been taken away. I don't remember how to maintain homeostasis. 


I've been forgotten by many people. Maybe it's intentional. I wouldn't be surprised. I can't tolerate me either. 


Everyone is growing up and moving on. I have the taste of what's to come staining my lips, but that's all that's present. I have no proof, nothing tangible to cling to. Everyone grows up. That includes me. Things change, people move on, move away. 


I should be used to it by now. Seeing that L blocked me from facebook. I'm not even sure why. It's been years since I've talked to her. But I have to admit, it hurts. 


It makes me wonder what's going to happen with V when she goes to college. She promises me the future, but so did so many others. And they haven't stayed constant. 


It often still scares me. To think that A is gone and never truly coming back. Yeah, he visits. But we won't ever live together. 


On top of that, what if A and I actually make it? Can I tolerate being a military wife? Raising our children by myself. I always thought I could, but facing the harsh reality of not having the grace of the computer to help me communicate gave me a taste of what it could be like. 


I know I'm strong. 
But I don't think I'm that strong. 


Actually, I take that back. I'm not strong. I need you to be strong for me. 


Yours until the pigs fly, 
Alessondra Marie