Poise And Composure

everything bad that's happened to me has started here. 


i walk down these halls and remember the life changing events that took place in this house. my whole life changed here. 


my best friend's soul was slain. and not just by anyone, but the one person i was supposed to always believe in. 


every turn i take in this house is a reminder of what could have been. 
it reminds me of who i was when i had her in my life. 


and now here i am, years later, walking about this house with poise.


my brother is shipping off to basic training and it's finally hitting me. 


and all of a sudden, my composure is gone.
i am lost. 


i remember what happened here all those years ago. i remember the mistakes i made. the things he did. the things she said. 
her face.


but instead of reassurance all i heard was about her. 
how things are not going to change.
and a phone call that would happen. 


my brother is leaving. 
my friends are dwindling down by the days. 
all i want is you here. 
and you can't even make time for me.


but god forbid you don't call her.


no one asks how i'm doing. 
at least no one that truly matters. 


no one bothers to ask what's wrong.
maybe you're trying to be considerate because you know why.
or maybe no one cares.


regardless
i'm hurt.
i'm sad.
and i'm terrified. 


and no one even gives me an iota of the attention i seek. 
call me needy, but i'm losing my best friend on monday. 


yours until the pigs fly,
alessondra marie