all the pain, suffering and self hatred i went through is justified because He had a plan for me. a plan that would show Him in the most glorious light possible.
i’ve forgotten how much i depend on everyone around me. i depend on my friends. i depend on my family. i depend on everyone that i’m not supposed to depend on.
i’ve grown an identity over the past three years. but it’s not one of my own. i’ve grown an identity influenced by the people I look up to.
and although i’ve also grown my own identity in Christ, that’s not the sole source of my character.
and that is not the way it should be.
i was alone. and i was hurting. i was deteriorating into the media. i was overcome with my problems and didn’t give myself any room to grow.
but I saw visions of who i wanted to be. and I desired to know that person.
i learned from the example people gave me. i looked up to those people, and turned to them for the answer.
but now God is stripping the most important people away from my life one by one.
at first i felt uneasy and scared. but right now i feel nothing but peace and excitement.
all i’ve wanted was an identity of my own. i want to be my own person, with my own dreams, hopes and desires.
i want to do God’s will.
but i’ve been strapped down by fear, and i’ve thrived off other peoples dreams.
but now God wants me to take a step into my dreams. He wants me to serve Him with all my strength.
yours until the pigs fly,
alessondra marie
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